The Space Between: From Kitchen Chaos to Leadership Grace

The ticket machine is screaming. Orders are backing up. The grill is at capacity, and I can see the servers getting anxious as plates sit under the heat lamps. My heart is racing, sweat is beading on my forehead, and every instinct in my body is telling me to move faster, work harder, do more.

Sound familiar?

Maybe your version isn't a restaurant kitchen. Maybe it's back-to-back meetings, a crisis that's spiraling, or a team looking to you for answers you don't have yet. But that feeling—that overwhelming rush where everything feels urgent and the only solution seems to be speed—that's universal.

Here's what I learned in that chaotic kitchen that transformed how I lead today:

The moment you feel like you need to speed up is exactly when you need to slow down.

The Kitchen Taught Me Everything About Leadership

My first role as a kitchen manager was baptism by fire. I was responsible for food prep levels, plate timing, dishware flow, staff coordination—all while ensuring quality never dropped. In those early weeks, I was drowning. I'd sprint from station to station, trying to do everything myself, feeling like I was always three steps behind.

The harder I worked, the more chaotic it became. Plates went out cold. We'd run out of clean dishes mid-rush. The team grew frustrated because I was micromanaging instead of leading.

Then something shifted. I don't remember the exact moment, but gradually, I stopped reacting and started responding. I learned to pause—even for just a few seconds—and scan the entire kitchen. I began to see patterns: the Friday night rush always hit at 7:15, not 7:00. The salad station needed extra prep on weekends. The dishwasher worked best with a specific rhythm of loading.

I stopped trying to be the fastest worker and started becoming the conductor of an orchestra.

The Pattern That Changes Everything

What happened in that kitchen happens at every level of leadership. You get promoted because you're exceptional at doing the work. Then suddenly, the work multiplies beyond what any one person can handle. Your first instinct? Do more, work faster, take on everything yourself.

But here's the paradox: The very behaviors that got you promoted—individual excellence, speed, taking ownership—can become your biggest obstacles as a leader.

The breakthrough comes when you recognize the pattern:

Overwhelm → The urge to speed up → The decision to slow down → Strategic thinking → Empowering others → Grace under pressure

This isn't a one-time lesson. It's a cycle you'll face at every new level of leadership. New team, bigger scope, more complexity—and there you are again, feeling overwhelmed, wanting to do it all yourself.

The Space Between Stimulus and Response

Viktor Frankl wrote, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

In leadership, that space is everything.

When the crisis hits, when the pressure mounts, when everyone is looking at you for answers—that's not the time to react. That's the time to create space.

Space to breathe. Space to think. Space to consider not just what needs to happen, but how your decision will ripple through your team, your customers, your organization.

The best leaders I know have mastered this space. They've learned that their job isn't to be the fastest or to have all the answers immediately. Their job is to create the conditions for their team to succeed, to make decisions that serve the bigger picture, and to remain steady when everything else feels chaotic.

Embrace the Overwhelm—It's Your Growth Signal

Here's what I want you to remember: That feeling of being overwhelmed, of things moving too fast, of wanting to just power through—that's not a sign you're failing. That's a sign you're growing.

Every time you feel that familiar rush of "I need to do this all myself," pause. Recognize it as your growth signal. It's telling you that you're ready for the next level of leadership.

Instead of speeding up, slow down. Instead of doing more, start empowering others. Instead of reacting to every fire, step back and see the patterns.

From Chaos to Conducting

Back in that kitchen, once I learned to conduct instead of cook every dish myself, something beautiful happened. The team started moving in rhythm. Orders flowed smoothly. We could handle the Friday night rush not just with efficiency, but with grace.

The same transformation awaits you in your leadership.

You'll stop feeling like you're constantly behind and start feeling like you're orchestrating something meaningful. Your team will stop waiting for you to solve every problem and start bringing you solutions. The chaos will transform into a symphony.

But it starts with recognizing that the moment you want to speed up is exactly when you need to slow down.

Your Next Move

The next time you feel that familiar overwhelm creeping in—when the emails are piling up, the deadlines are looming, and your instinct is to just work harder—I challenge you to do something different.

Stop. Breathe. Create that space between stimulus and response.

Ask yourself: What would the conductor do here? How can I empower my team instead of doing their work for them? What decision serves not just this moment, but the bigger picture?

Your team is waiting for you to lead them, not outlast them. Your organization needs you to think strategically, not just work frantically.

The kitchen taught me that leadership isn't about being the fastest or the hardest-working person in the room. It's about creating the space for everyone to do their best work.

What symphony will you conduct today?